


you sure as hell had better feel the same

by jessicamiriamdrew



Category: Constantine (TV)
Genre: M/M, why talk about your feelings when you can just stress about them instead
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-08
Updated: 2019-08-08
Packaged: 2020-08-13 04:42:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,101
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20168323
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jessicamiriamdrew/pseuds/jessicamiriamdrew
Summary: There’s not really a polite way for John to ask Chas about the divorce papers. He knows they exist–he overheard enough of the angry phone call where Chas threw around accusations of being ambushed.Like Chas hasn’t been living at the mill house with him for three years. Like his wedding ring hasn’t been gathering dust in a bottom drawer.





	you sure as hell had better feel the same

**Author's Note:**

> rated M to be super duper safe, mostly just references to sex -
> 
> morethanonepage/visiblemarket asked: For the minific meme: John/Chas, W  
-  
W. Waiting impatiently for something.  
-  
the joke here was going to be ‘impatiently waiting for divorce papers’ but then it got away with me a little bit so uh. yknow

There’s not really a polite way for John to ask Chas about the divorce papers. He knows they exist–he overheard enough of the angry phone call where Chas threw around accusations of being ambushed.

Like Chas hasn’t been living at the mill house with him for three years. Like his wedding ring hasn’t been gathering dust in a bottom drawer.

But it’s still not John’s place, except for the part where they end up in each other’s bed, and some small, pathetic part of him is hurt by Chas’ anguish.

Because if Chas hadn’t considered his relationship with Renee to be done–then what the hell has John been doing with Chas? Neither of them, at this point, have much of a life that allows for normalcy, but he thought they’d become each other’s normal.

The crisp and glaringly white stack of papers has existed on a corner of the office desk for a few weeks now. John can never tell if they’ve been moved, or rifled through, or if Chas has any intention of signing them.

He always wants to ask Chas at the worst times. John will see Chas and Zed playing cards and laughing and think about dropping in a casual “so, are you a dishonest man again?”

John could ask the question into the skin of Chas’ neck when Chas fucks him, hiding his words beneath all their other sounds.

But he doesn’t, because he’s not sure he wants an answer.

-

It’s not that Chas thought he and Renee would get back together. It wouldn’t be fair to either of them, or Geraldine, or the separate lives they’ve both begun building.

Getting the papers without warning felt like a slap.

He’s been as good as divorced for years. He shouldn’t have even married Renee in the first place, but he wanted to be a good dad to Geraldine and he’d pushed down his feelings for John.

Chas’ love for John ended up tearing all of those things apart.

So he swears at Renee on the phone when he opens the envelope and realizes what this manila envelope holds. She cries, hot angry tears that he can visualize even though they’re separated by hundreds of miles, and Chas misses the days when they loved each other.

He goes to sit in the cab of his truck as their conversation calms down. Renee apologizes for not telling him the papers were on the way. He says “I’m sorry for overreacting” and means it as a blanket apology for years of bad behavior.

Renee doesn’t pressure him to return them.

Chas lets the papers rest for a month. He pores over them, reads the words until they go dizzy and his stomach twists.

He can’t have his old life back, even if he didn’t sign the papers and moved back to Brooklyn.

He can feel John’s hesitation when they touch, like John thinks Chas might actually stay away this time. Chas should explain the nuances to him, but instead he holds John closer, trying to impart words he’s never been able to figure out how to say.

The divorce papers are a way to make the messy reality stuck in place. Maybe he should take what permanence he can get.

-

Errand day is generally a Zed and Chas thing, because John tends to get in trouble even when he’s on his best behavior.

How much of that is an act is something John will never reveal to them.

But Zed is nowhere to be found, and Chas is pointing to the door, and John follows him.

Chas stops to fill up the cab with petrol first and John watches him through the window. He wonders how many times Chas has stopped like this, body heavy and a hand on the car to hold himself upright.

There’s a vibe in the air when Chas climbs back in and takes them to the next stage of their journey. John can’t place what it is, so he lights a cigarette with shaky hands.

The post office is closed when Chas parks the car, but one of those fun quirks of post offices is how their lobbies stay open.

“Can you help me with the mail?” Chas asks.

John didn’t know they were expecting any packages at their post office box, and Chas’ shoulder bag doesn’t seem to be bulging. He finishes his cigarette and stubs it out in the ashtray with a sigh.

He follows Chas inside, pausing beside him at one of those little tables for writing out your mail. Chas takes out a stack of mail: the top layer is bills. They aren’t doing so bad these days–they’ve had a few grateful people and Zed actually sells her art–but seeing them still makes his stomach flip.

And then it’s that office envelope John has spent too much time thinking about. Renee Chandler is printed on the front in large indelible letters.

“I got them signed and notarized the other day,” Chas says.

John didn’t know. He doesn’t always ask where Chas goes when he takes the cab and disappears for a few hours.

Some of their secrets are too painful to be shared.

Chas deflates a little. “I just–I thought maybe you’d like to know.”

John stands up on his toes as he pulls Chas down for a kiss. Saying “thank you for divorcing your wife after I ruined your marriage” isn’t something either of them want to hear. But he is grateful for Chas in front of him, Chas who is letting himself put some tendrils of roots down despite the desire to flee deep in his blood.

“I do want to know.” He can hardly look at Chas, for as much as he wants to kiss him and not stop.

There’s a promising kiss from Chas, but then Chas is stepping back and grabbing the stack of mail.

“I’m going to put these in the mailbox,” Chas says, “and then let’s go home.”

It’s a soft moment, one that stretches and makes John uneasy with its simplicity. This isn’t an errand; this is a promise between the two of them.

“Splendid idea,” John says, waiting and watching Chas drop the envelopes through the mail slot before he continues. “Because although I’m not familiar with American law, I suspect me blowing you in the post office would break a few of them.”

“Probably a felony,” Chas says, turning around. “Luckily your driver knows the fastest way home, so we don’t have to find out.”

It’s not a bad deal, John thinks. The two of them, together.

**Author's Note:**

> my kink is them dancing around their obvious feelings
> 
> you can find me on tumblr under jessicamiriamdrew


End file.
